Sometimes I’m unrealistic. Aren’t we all?
Maybe it’s just me, but sometimes I have unrealistic expectations about what I expect from people in all facets of my life – and this has led to some great disappointment. I’ve recently evaluated my thoughts on this (and had a heart-to-heart with my mom) and I’ve learned a lot about myself and the people in my life – and realized how I can realistically love and appreciate everyone without an ounce of disappointment.
I’m not a perfect friend… sometimes I wouldn’t even consider myself a good friend. I’m horrible at keeping in contact with people, I’m not always good at just going with the flow and I get disappointed in people easily. I’ve had a lot of friends come and go in my life and it’s caused me to question what’s happening that people seem to come and go so constantly. I have people in my life who have remained in my life but we don’t talk enough for me to really consider them someone I’m very close with. This all has me thinking, “is this me?!”
When I welcome someone into my life and share my life with them in any way, I’m all in, 100%. For lack of better words, I love too hard. I just love people… I love getting to know them… I love sharing fun experiences with them… and I love sharing my life with them. (Not always in a romantic way, just in a platonic way). With that, my expectations canbecome super unrealistic – and this applies to not only friends, but family, significant other, coworkers and other people in my life.
I expect people to always be able to communicate their feelings in the moment that they’re feeling them. I expect that people will want to hang out with me and make time accordingly. I expect that people won’t take out their bad day on me. I expect that people will sometimes do what I want to do and not only what they want to do. I expect that people won’t always be completely selfish. I expect that people will treat me with respect 100% of the time. I except that people will reach out to me so I won’t always have to be the one initiating contact. I expect that people will be honest with me, even when it’s hard.
Some of these expectations may seem like reasonable ones (trust me, I think they are), BUT, what I’ve realized… get ready, it’s super obvious… is that everyone is only humanand they aren’t going to be perfect… they won’t always treat me with respect or be completely open about their feelings or not be selfish. I’ve realized that I’ve expected too much out of the people that I love and this has made me jaded and unable to fully love and appreciate everyone for who they are.
This has been so important for me, especially, because I’m a person who chooses to be myself no matter what people think, yet still hope people will love me and accept me for who I am. How can I expect people to love me and appreciate me when I can’t give them the same love, respect and appreciation?
After realizing all this, I’ve made a constant effort to really look at the people in my life, see them for who they really are, acknowledge that they can only serve me in the way that they’re able, then I love them for who they are without unrealistic expectations. This has led to so much more joy in my life. I no longer feel the need to push people away because I feel disappointed by their actions. I’ve been more accepting and understanding than I ever have before – and now I feel like I have tons of people in my life who can all satisfy different needs in my life in the way that they’re able.
I know you may be saying, “Um, well this is super obvious, I’m glad you finally figured it out.” The thing is, you’re right. Loving people too hard is my greatest strength but also my biggest weakness.
Although I have learned all of this, I still realize that friends will still come and go with the seasons and for many different reasons. When this happens, I will not dwell in disappointment, but, rather enjoy the impact they had in my life then go on loving the people who continue to stay in my life. It’s almostimpossible to be disappointed when you don’t have crazy expectations.
Side note: When I say that people can serve me, I don’t actually mean physically. Rather, I believe everyone who you are in contact with serves a specific purpose in your life. And instead of focusing on how these people are going to serve a purpose in my life, I’m learning to focus on how I can bless them in their life. I strive to be a servant like God calls me to be.